


(and more will always be revealed)

by cm (mumblemutter)



Series: Don't Forget Me [1]
Category: Thor (Movies), Thor - All Media Types
Genre: Character Study, Incest, M/M, Thor: The Dark World
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-01
Updated: 2013-11-01
Packaged: 2017-12-29 02:50:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,630
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/999978
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mumblemutter/pseuds/cm
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Loki is incapable of telling the truth.</p>
            </blockquote>





	(and more will always be revealed)

"We are gods," Loki tells Thor. "It does not matter that we are brothers. Kiss me."

*

Mother reads to them as children. Not the stories Father tells, of brave warriors and dangerous quests. Not the stories their caretakers tell, of the Jotun monsters that catch naughty little boys who refuse to go to bed on time.

She reads stories of quiet heroism, of the everyday life of a commoner. She reads poetry, the words falling like music from her lips.

Thor is bored soon enough, fidgets on the opposite side of Mother's body, says, "This is tedious. Tell me a real story, Mother."

Loki glares at him, but Thor doesn't notice, like he never does. Mother snaps the book shut, kisses first Loki and then Thor on the temple. "It is late, perhaps we will continue this tomorrow."

As she leaves, Loki kicks Thor in the shin, hisses, "You ruin everything."

Thor's returning blow is far more painful than Loki's own, Loki is certain, as his ears ring. "Go to sleep, brother. Dream of handmaidens and the house a carpenter built for his wife."

The next night, Thor doesn't want to be read stories, retreats to the bed in the next room instead. "He refuses to say," Frigga says. "Do you know why?"

Loki widens his eyes. "I don't know, Mother." He brightens, continues hopefully, "But I'm here. You can read to me."

There's a knowing look on her face, but all she says is, "Of course, dear."

*

Sometimes they play games. Thor pretends to be a warrior, chasing after a hapless goat or horse that has stolen away the princess. Inevitably, Loki is the one that ends up the princess.

He loses patience with it once, points a finger at Thor. "What if it's you that gets kidnapped?"

"I would never!"

"And I would?" Loki squirms out of the ropes holding him and stomps away, leaving Thor to call plaintively after him. "You can play by yourself in future, Thor. I have better things to do with my time than to wait for you to rescue me."

Loki keeps to his promise to ignore Thor, at first. Thor tries his best to cajole, plead and whine for Loki's attention, even goes so far as to drag Father into it, but Father only shakes his head. "You are brothers," he says, as he pats Loki on the head. "Do try to get along."

Thor relents after a week, allows Loki to tie him to a tree. "The ropes are too tight," Thor complains.

"Stop whining," Loki commands. He tugs the rope even tighter, so Thor is truly trapped, and backs away to admire his work. "There. You're ready to be rescued now."

Loki runs off on his quest, but loses interest quickly enough, distracted by tantalizing smells coming from the kitchen and the promise of fresh bread. By the time he remembers Thor and returns to the tree, it's almost dark.

Even in the low light, Loki can tell Thor is weeping. "Loki," he says, and he sounds so relieved. His tone turns accusatory a moment later. "You left me here."

"No, I merely failed in my quest," Loki says. He unties the ropes and allows them to fall to the ground.

Thor takes a few steps forward, staggers and falls to his knees.

"I died trying to rescue you," Loki says. He follows Thor down, collapses before him. "There, I'm dead. The dragon slayed me."

Thor's face appears above his, flushed red and streaked with tears. Loki remains still, and closes his eyes. He's dead now, and Thor can only mourn.

*

Seidr is as easy as breathing, as if he were a fish thrown into water for the first time, realizing it is his natural place. Thor has little ability, and so declares it useless, mere tricks and games.

"It's just because you are so bad at it," Loki says, pleased that for once he is better at something than Thor.

Thor loops his arm around Loki's shoulder, wrestles him to the ground and tickles him until he is doubled over in laughter, squirming to get away. "What use is your seidr now, brother."

Loki bares his teeth, unleashes a spell he has been working on for weeks, despite Mother's insistence that the darker spells are not for those such as them. Thor is propelled backwards, hitting the floor as blood gushes from his nose. Loki scrambles to him as he moans, and the handmaidens rush to separate them, one of them taking Loki's arm and pulling him away.

When Thor rises though, he is laughing. "Unhand my brother," he says, and she obeys immediately. He wipes at his face and grins, wide and bloody. "Perhaps you will be a warrior after all, Loki."

Loki cannot help but flush in pleasure, even as he finds himself saying, "I did not ask for your approval nor do I want it."

It is a lie and they both know it, but Thor says nothing, only smiles wider.

"He hit me first," Loki tells Mother, when she runs in to see why her eldest is still bleeding, gushing blood that requires a healer's attention, as Loki has yet to master restraint. "I was merely defending myself." He starts to weep, and Mother's stern gaze softens.

Thor shoots him a vaguely betrayed look as he is being led away, but doesn't protest.

Mother says, once Thor is gone, "Did he really hit you?"

The tears that fill up his eyes turn real as Loki shakes. "Do you not believe me?" he asks.

"I would not blame you if it was merely an accident, Loki."

It is far harder to lie to her than to Thor, and yet Loki cannot bring himself to admit the truth. He continues to stand there, small and trembling, until she takes him into her arms, wipes the tears away.

*

In the bright sunshine of the garden, their tutor tries to teach them a lesson on philosophy. Thor pays attention only to battle strategy and weapons knowledge, and Loki never pays attention because he already knows almost everything the tutor might wish to impart, and so it's mostly a lost cause for both of them.

Loki picks up a stick and draws a heart in the sand with it, tunes out the tutor's droning voice until he says, "Loki, what do you think?"

Loki raises his head, "What?"

"Do you believe we choose our own fate?"

"I believe," Loki begins, then stops. "I believe fate chooses us, and then we choose to follow it or not."

"We make our own destiny," Thor says, with typical brash confidence. "Fate is for fools who do not take charge of their own lives, and blame the cosmos, or the gods, for their sorry state."

Loki drops his stick, mutters, "What do you know - you're blessed. Some have to find others to blame."

"Then they are cowards, and fools."

They glare at one another, until the tutor clears his throat. "Enough. We will return to the lesson now."

*

Thor grows up strong and golden and beautiful, loved and admired by all who meet him, and spoken of in hushed, awed tones by those who don't.

Loki doesn't get spoken about by anyone, except in disdain or exasperation. Loki is well aware of this as he practices seidr, concentrating on illusions and ways to disguise himself. He gains the ability to hide in the shadows, unseen, listening to those that are polite to him in public smearing his name behind closed doors.

Loki the trickster.

Loki the liar.

Loki whom you should not trust.

He watches Thor, more often than he should. Watches his easy comradeship with his friends. Watches his relationship with Father grow.

Thor does not speak badly of Loki behind his back: he speaks his thoughts to Loki's face, or not at all.

When Odin starts impressing upon Thor the burdens and responsibilities of rule, Loki realizes: he will never be king.

It does not bother him as much as it should.

"When I am king," Thor says.

Loki snorts. "When the kingdom falls under your incompetent rule, you mean. What a tragic day that will be for all."

Thor slings his arm around Loki's shoulder, as he often does. It is only recently that Loki has started to notice. The heavy press of Thor's weight upon him, the scent of carnations and rain. Loki turns his head unthinkingly, finds himself staring at Thor, staring at him.

Thor pulls away, flushes. "I will be a worthy king, you'll see."

"I'm sure you will," Loki says, but does not mean it. "Do you trust me, brother?"

"Of course I do," Thor replies easily, as if he does not have to spare a moment to think about it. He gaze is fixed upon Loki's lips. "You are my brother."

Kiss me, Loki wants to say. But he does not.

*

Heimdall sees all, and so Loki learns quickly enough how to hide from him. He drags Thor along with him as they explore parts of the castle they're not supposed to, places forbidden to them without adult supervison, or places forbidden to them, period. Once, Loki brings Thor down to the prisons, where they heard a Frost Giant is being held. Or rather, it's a rumor that Loki's spread, so Thor would start insisting that Loki find them a way there.

It's not what Loki expected: just glass windows and bored looking prisoners sitting around, doing nothing much. Thor's disappointed, runs down the entire prison and finds no Frost Giant waiting for him. "What nonsense," he mutters. "Who cares about some stupid troll."

He grabs Loki's hand, starts to pull him away, but Loki stops in front of one cell, peers in. There's someone in there that looks Asgardian, though he might be Vanir or even from Midgard. As Loki stares, he lifts his head from his book, and stares back, a grin stretching across his face, revealing yellow, rotten teeth. There is nothing in his eyes save for madness, and death. Loki stumbles back, clutches at Thor's hand. "Let's go, Thor. Let's go now."

He can't sleep that night, and when he does fall asleep he wakes screaming from a nightmare. Mother comes in, slides into bed and tucks him close to her chest, her hand on his back, rubbing it soothingly until he calms down. "There there," she says. "It was merely a dream, and it's over now."

Loki shakes his head, and mumbles into her dress, "Read to me, please."

"Yes, of course. Now, where did we stop with the swallow and the nightingale? Ah, yes. They had just met."

He falls back asleep before she finishes the tale, and this time he doesn't dream.

*

"We're not gods," Odin tells him once, when Loki still believes he is his son. "Merely men."

"No," Loki says. "You're wrong."

*

Females flock towards them as soon as they come of age. Rather, they start flocking around Thor, and soon enough he is rarely seen without one or more of them hanging on to his arm and every word.

He does not discriminate either: tavern wenches are as appealing to him as the fairest of the court maidens.

"Loki, come with me to the winter solstice celebration on Midgard tonight - I will introduce you to the loveliest of women." Thor is under the impression that Loki's not sticking his cock into everything that moves due to lack of skill rather than a lack of interest, and nothing Loki can say will convince him otherwise.

"I have no interest in your idea of fun, how many times must I tell you this?"

But you do not say no to a Thor on a mission, and so Loki finds himself in a wretched tavern, drinking mead that tastes like piss and water. Thor has a woman in his lap, and has shoved one into Loki's. He whispers something into the wench's ear, and she giggles, nods her head. "Come, brother," Thor says, and there is an unholy spark in his eyes as they both rise to their feet, the woman smirking knowingly at Loki.

"No," Loki says, before either one of them can even say anything. "Not a chance."

He does what Thor asks, as he always does, in the end. Thor procures a second woman, and they tumble upstairs to a room with only mildly filthy sheets on the one bed. "This is a remarkably bad idea," Loki says.

"No," Thor says, clapping him on the shoulders. "It is a fantastic one."

His good cheer wanes as the night progresses, as Loki feigns interest in the woman, whose cheap perfume is cloying but who is pretty enough that Loki tolerates her hands roaming over his body, her mouth on his cock. Loki glances over, and Thor's face is drawn, his jaw tight as he ignores his own wench. He leans over on impulse, slips both arms around Thor, and is surprised when Thor kisses him immediately, as if he has been waiting, as if he has wanted this for longer than just this very moment. Loki pulls away, asks dizzily, hopefully, "What are we doing?"

Thor's eyelashes flutter. "I apologize, I meant no -"

"Shh, Thor. Kiss me again."

Close to dawn, when the women have been kicked out by Loki, and he's in bed with Thor's seed drying on his chest, Thor says, "Loki, I -"

"It is what it is, Thor. I cannot help it if you are a deviant, I can merely give in to your demands. At least I know now why you are so adamant that I share your women with you."

Thor looks appropriately horrified, and Loki thinks: how is this so easy?

But he can't help what he wants either, and so he drops a kiss to Thor's shoulder, soothes away the hurt of his words. "Do not think too much about it, Thor. We just need to never repeat this."

Their resolve lasts as long as it takes for the two of them to be alone together again, and unable to keep from touching.

Thor never quite lets go of the guilt, this he knows. It sits in Loki's belly, coiled like a snake waiting to strike.

*

He falls into an abyss, and he keeps falling.

He never stops.

There is no one that can rescue him.

*

"Harder," Loki says. He's on his belly, stretched out in Thor's chambers like a common whore, and Thor is driving into him. Thor merely laughs, and slows down instead, turns his strokes slow and deliberate, until Loki wants to scream. "You will pay for this," Loki warns, and Thor laughs again.

He bends his head, nuzzles at the back of Loki's neck. "Patience, brother."

Loki's delirious, struck with heat and desire that's most unbearable, and he moans. Thor's hands find his wrists, and they hold him down, keep him from floating away. Keep him from saying: Since when have you ever understood that word, you fool. Harder means harder means don't -

Loki shudders as Thor licks the sweat from Loki's shoulder, and he anticipates the bite before it comes. He finishes then, hard and relentless into the sheets.

Thor continues to fuck him for what feels like hours afterwards, until Loki grows hard again, and finishes once more.

*

Thor falls in love with a maiden every week. They are dark haired or pale, tall or short and from every realm they have access to. Loki merely sighs, and waits for the latest infatuation to be over with. Thor's marriage, in the end, will be a political alliance, and so will Loki's. What they do in-between is nobody's business but theirs.

The one time Loki expresses interest in a woman, a tiny maiden of the court who flirts with him relentlessly, Thor comes up to Loki and says, "I'm not happy."

"Why?"

"Her. You shouldn't - I don't -" He stomps off without articulating his thoughts, and the last Loki sees of him for a month is when he's riding his steed on the Bifrost, to parts unknown.

Loki has no real designs on the woman, but still he waits by the bridge when he knows Thor is returning, waves jauntily at him as he rides up. "Brother," he calls out. "Good news, I am betrothed!"

He doesn't see the punch coming until he's flat on his back. Then he laughs and laughs, through the pain.

Thor's fist clenches, then unclenches. "I'm sorry," he says. " I know I have no right."

"No." Loki stops laughing. "You don't."

*

He bruises red, bleeds red. If that isn't proof of his heritage, then what is?

But even his own body lies to him, and so completes the ultimate trick, played upon the ultimate trickster.

"You're still my son," Frigga says, and his blood wants to believe her, as does his heart.

What good is the god of lies if he believes his own?

*

Thor's friends are not Loki's friends, even though Thor likes to pretend they are. They barely tolerate him, and he them. Loki doesn't understand why Thor needs fools for companions, but he supposes like seeks out like.

On a quest for Andvari's ring, Loki tries shapeshifting for the first time. Not an illusion, that is easy. He chooses Sif, when he is certain that she is off chasing down their dinner, and will not return until it is caught.

Thor says, "Sif," warmly, when Loki falls into step with him.

"Your brother is annoying," Loki says, and scowls.

Thor laughs. "He says the same of you. Perhaps it is because you have much in common."

The look he shoots Thor is earnestly horrified. "I am nothing like that liar and troublemaker. He does not know the meaning of honor, not him."

Thor says nothing as they trek through the forest, until Loki snaps, "Well? Do you not plan to -" his words are cut off as Thor turns and pushes him against a tree, his hands hard on Loki's arms. He takes Loki like this, like Sif, slides his cock into his cunt as Loki shudders and clenches around him, moaning Thor's name in that wretched female voice despite his best efforts not to.

Thor releases him finally, pulls away as Loki wipes at the seed between his legs, busy gathering his wits to think of a suitable means to express his anger, his betrayal. "Loki."

Loki snaps his head up. "What?"

There is a dark gleam in Thor's eyes. "I always see you, brother. Do not think you can hide from me with your illusions."

He turns and walks off, leaving Loki to call after him, "Not an illusion, Thor."

Far, far more than that.

And he knows he can learn how to fool everyone, given enough time. Even Thor.

Especially Thor.

*

Mother says, when Loki complains to her after yet another argument with Thor, "Perhaps if you had considered his feelings first, Loki, before you decided on that prank."

But he makes it so easy, Loki wants to say.

Mother frowns, as if she knows what Loki is thinking.

"It's not as if I forced him to offend the delegates, Mother. Besides, I think some of them quite enjoyed the view."

Mother's frown deepens, and sometimes Loki thinks she knows what both her sons are up to when the lights are low and Loki has ensured that Heimdall isn't looking. Sometimes Loki worries that Mother sees more than Heimdall, just by glancing at him. In front of her, all his secrets are laid bare, and he has no escape. "Your father has decided that Thor is to be punished, so he will not allow him to go out on that hunting expedition with the Einherjar," Mother says, with some expectation.

Loki expresses the appropriate amount of regret, but she doesn't look impressed. It's more likely than not that Heimdall told Odin what truly happened, or whose idea it was originally, but Father always punishes Thor, not Loki. When Loki was younger he liked to pretend that it was because Father favored him more, but now he knows: it's because Thor will grow up to carry Asgard on his shoulders, and a King must learn his lessons.

He certainly can't continuously fall for his wayward brother's tricks.

Mother's hand comes up to brush an imaginary strand of hair from Loki's face. "Your brother loves you, Loki. More than that, he trusts you."

Because he's an idiot, Loki wants to say. "I will try to behave myself in future, I promise." He kisses her on the cheek, and she sighs.

*

Thor runs his hands down Loki's chest, sighs. "You are beautiful," he says.

Loki laughs, and says, "I have it on good opinion that you're the one that's beautiful, not me." Thor shrugs, and the muscles in his shoulders ripple. They look nothing alike, but it has never struck Loki as odd until this very second. He wraps a golden curl around his finger, tugs gently. "You're a princess, see."

Thor's answering smile sends a spike through Loki's heart, warms every part of him. "Then you will slay the dragon if I get captured and rescue me?"

"Yes," Loki says. "Always."

*

He's headed towards death, he thinks, as they fly a boat to the dark world. It does not matter what happens - whether they save the woman, whether they save the realms. Loki will not go back to prison, will not go back to being trapped alone with his thoughts, and so death it is.

Perhaps he will feel sorry then, for all of his misdeeds. Perhaps he will feel regret, and not this rage, and the quiet emptiness of grief.

"We are gods," he tells Thor. "It does not matter that we are brothers. Kiss me."


End file.
